Saying Yes to My Life, Even When It Ain’t Easy

I was driving in the car yesterday, listening to the ringing in my left ear.  And I was feeling frustrated. So frustrated I wanted to scream.

For the past two months I’ve been working through really intense asthma and shut down in my lungs, but based on what I learned during a previous year of constant ups and downs, when I finally found a medicine that truly helped, I have been feeling pretty confident this round could be resolved the same way. My doctors, though, felt strongly about trying a powerful antibiotic first, and sadly, hearing damage is one of the potential side effects.

In the car, I wanted to shout, “It’s not fair! I’m just trying get the help I need, and now I may have permanent hearing damage and ringing in my ear?”  And I could feel my familiar life-negative attitude seeing an opening and jumping right on that train: “Yeah! Life sucks! Bad stuff happens all the time! Whoever signed up for this? I’m so done with this!” And I could feel the pull to ride that Grump Train right on outta here!

Then Grace stepped in, thankfully, and gently asked, “Do you really want to spend the rest of your life on the Grump Train?”

Ah. Good question.

And I could feel, as painful and frustrating as it can be here, that really is the question: Do I want to say yes to my life, accepting all of it, good, bad, and in between; or am I going to choose to write it off, and spend the rest of my life stuck feeling angry, or like a victim, basically immobilized by my life negativity?

Well, having already spent close to 40 years practicing a half-empty outlook on life, I have recently decided I’m ready for a change. Because here’s the deal, as I see it. If I give up on life, and that’s essentially what I’m doing when I let my life negativity take over, then I’m also saying no to all the beautiful parts of life – to bare feet on sun-warmed grass, to music that makes my body rejoice in being able to move, to sharing my creativity and compassion and uniqueness in a way that truly does help here.

And that’s what I want, in my heart of hearts, to help here. To help us love ourselves, warts and all, to help us let go of the endless games we play in trying to somehow prove we’re okay (or that we’re not okay, and justified in giving up on our lives), and instead to let our hearts shine forth their unique creativity in countless, profound ways.

Yes, crap happens. It’s not always easy. Sometimes I have to take a few minutes and give myself permission to shout out my frustrations. But it just seems to be part of the package here. It’s not a perfect realm, this gorgeous, alive, bursting-at-the-seams-with-creative-potential planet full of people. I think that’s the point, in some ways. If it was perfect, what would we do then? Somehow, I believe it’s meant to be messy – a happy mess that comes part and parcel with the fullest array of options for expressing ourselves.

So I say, yes to my life! To all the parts and pieces! Yes, I am willing to put up with the frustrations and pain in order to be able to fully participate, and do whatever I can, however I can, to help love and happiness flood in here, and open our hearts to our true purpose and potential as human beings.

I don't need no excuses!!

Recently I have been working with some health challenges -- intense lung stuff. I'm getting lots of good help, and I trust it will pass, but it is sharing some much-needed reminders with me. Here's my favorite one:

"I don't need any excuses to take care of myself!"

It's almost funny when I stop to look at it. This fall has been incredibly hectic and overscheduled, with each week bursting at the seams with commitments and tasks I feel "have" to get done. Then, this health issue started to surface, and suddenly I was literally forced to clear my calendar and just focus on taking care of me.

Wow -- all the sudden I was able to let go of commitments, ask for help with tasks, and put a high priority on restful activities like reading a good book, watching fun you-tube videos, and little sewing projects. And it occurred to me, why don't I do this more often? Why do I have to get sick before I am willing to clear my calendar and put my feet up for a while? Or just play with fabric for an afternoon?

Something I have just started to experiment with is to mark down one day a week on my planner with the words "FUN DAY."  On that day, while my kids are school, my intention is not to do anything just because I feel I should or have to, only things I want to do, like take a field trip to a ribbon store, or take a walk in a park I've never been to. It feels so important for me to practice this!

How about you? I'd enjoy hearing ways you are finding to take time for yourself, without needing any excuses!